Am I a Quitter? Or Just a Seeker?

I often ask myself, am I doing what I really want to do? The answer isn’t always clear, but at some points, it’s a big yes. Let’s rewind a bit grab some popcorn, this is a rollercoaster ride of ambitions, U-turns, and self-discoveries.

Back in seventh grade, my grandma proudly told everyone, “She will become a collector,” and I, the naive yet obedient grandchild, nodded like it was set in stone. The idea stuck, and soon, the urge to crack the UPSC exam became my imaginary destiny. My parents, my teachers, my entire extended family everyone echoed the same dream. After all, I was a straight-A student, a “ranker,” the prodigy who would conquer the intellectual battlefield. But here’s the twist I wasn’t even sure what I really wanted.

Fast forward to ninth grade, where math and I became best friends. Numbers made sense, logic clicked, and soon enough, JEE preparation entered the scene. The dream? An IITian badge on my name. I dove into the endless sea of formulas and physics laws, but even while drowning in derivations, UPSC sat smugly in the back of my mind. I convinced myself if I somehow cracked JEE, I’d juggle B.Tech and UPSC prep together. Now that I look back, I see how delusional that plan was, but hey, blind optimism is a thing, right? Then came COVID, the universal plot twist. Grades slipped, self-doubt wrapped around me like a heavy blanket, and for the first time, I felt lost. JEE? Not happening. So, what next? My mind was like a browser with 37 tabs open, most of them frozen. But amidst all this, one particular memory resurfaced.

Back in school, I had a mic in my hand, a camera in front of me, and a script rolling news anchoring. That was my first brush with mass communication, and suddenly, it didn’t seem like just a phase. I started researching colleges, and before I knew it, mass communication became the next big goal.

So, off I went to Ahmedabad, ready to take on the media world. But hold up UPSC wasn’t done with me yet. I enrolled in a coaching institute, believing I could master the art of balancing. College by day, UPSC coaching by evening, assignments by midnight it was a superhuman schedule, and for a while, I convinced myself I was pulling it off. 

And then, something changed. I wrote. A lot. I poured my thoughts onto paper; before I knew it, I was calling myself a writer. One piece led to another, and in 2025, I published my first book. The feeling was unmatched. The creative world I had stumbled into was thrilling and limitless, and suddenly, the weight of UPSC didn’t seem so appealing anymore.

By October 2024, after nearly two years of coaching, I made the decision, I quit. Not because I wasn’t capable, but because my heart had found its true calling. Juggling two different worlds wasn’t practical, and I chose the one that made me feel alive. The ink-stained hands, the storytelling, the power of words this was where I belonged.

So, am I a quitter? Maybe. But quitting doesn’t always mean failure. Sometimes, it means you’re brave enough to walk away from something that no longer fuels you. Every turn I took, every path I left behind, taught me something valuable. Learning never goes to waste, and neither do experiences.

I didn’t quit on dreams; I simply found new ones. And that, my friend, is the real win.